Chaotic Thoughts

How much can a human mind take before it snap? What is the limit per individual? Ever felt like standing at the edge of a high building and lean back? Falling back first, looking towards the sky... Ok right now thats how I feel... Not to worry. It is just that I'm bored and tired out of my mind. Maybe I'm asking too much, expecting too much.. or too little.. or am I too complicated.. complexed? Just need something new.. or I need to really focus to what is happening around me? or focus on my life.. hmmmm...

My brains are mush at the moment. Do not know why. Really don't. I know I'm blocking something but am unsure what it was. Maybe I've succeeded in blocking what I'm suppose to block and in the act, I've blocked more than I'm suppose to... (HUH?!)
Thats how chaotic my mind is right now. All I truly want to do is live like every normal good person. Which is work, home, work, home, family, work, holidays, work, friends, relax, work...
What I am thinking is this.... How come there are some people out there who can open up easily to others? or say things which meant something to the listener but nothing to the talker?
Ever experience this where you can talk to a certain type of people and you can't even open your mouth to another? Ever trust people even when they have misuse that trust? Make excuses for someone even when you know that the person was in the wrong and even your friends know about it? Try hard to make others like a friend, make others to give that friend another shot, try to prove assumptions of others of the friend was not all correct and let that friend be accepted as he/she wanted to (eventhough he/she said it does not matter but it does).

Ever letting people down because you do not want to be known as nice, reliable and dependable?
I grew up not knowing how to say vulgarities. The only time I would use and really mean it was when I am truly and extremely taken over by sheer anger. Funny isn't it? Sometimes I would blush when some of my friends used it as if its nothing. Oh I do say it in jester, but always end up giggling like a schoolgirl... (ssshessshhh...)

Ever felt that you are so weak that all you want to do is curl up and hibernate for a whole month? or you felt so strong that you are afraid that you might frighten people off?

Ever felt that your brain might explode (is that possible?) when all the thoughts in it going hyper drive?

Wish I could just erase my mind and start with a new one.... Wishful thinking.. :)

To Love or To Hate...? That is the question....

Can anybody tell or describe to me what is it like to be truly in love? How does it feel? If its a feeling... or is it just this thing whenever you felt some strange pressure happening in your heart or at the pit of your stomach (so called butterflies or something like that) when that certain person is near by? I'm truly curious....

OR

How does it feel to hate? Does feeling angry ... extremely angry be considered as hate? Does that pain in the heart considered as hate? Does being indifferent can be considered as hate?

~

Whats this so call 'love/hate' relationship about? I know love (but not 'in-love'.. maybe.. or was it? might be just a crush?). Why would you hate the person you love? Oh! Another thing, why would you hurt the one you love? I don't understand that. Why can't we just love and love and love? I know to love does not mean you have to be blind... You should be sensible and aware of what is going on.

~ ~ ~

Lots of things been going through my mind. From work to accommodations, to emotions, to life, to children, to plans, to financial, to stability, to work, to having my own home, to ... so many. I've learnt through life that certain things, we have to give a little bit more time for it to happen or to get results. Have to be patient and diligent. Like everyone, I am impatient. I guess, I'm counting my days. Time is running out, and there are still so many things to be done or to achieve or to experience.

~

Mood swings.. is one of my worst companion in life. One minute I'm at the top of the world, the next I feel so daft, after that felt like I can and should express myself thoroughly, and then wished I've never open my mouth. One day my brain is working at its best, the next its all mush, I can't even focus properly. Right now I feel like screaming 'INTRIGUE ME! INTRIGUE ME! Intrigue my mind! Intrigue my being!'.... hmmmm...

~Ever felt like to just pack up and leave?~

Who Makes You Feel sung by Dido

I don't touch you the way I used to
I don't call and write when I’m away
We don't make love as often as we did do
what couldn't wait now waits and usually goes away

But listen and think when I say it
Oh but listen and think when I say it
Who makes you feel the way that I make you feel
Who loves you and knows you the way I do
Who touches you and holds you quite like I do
Who makes you feel like I make you feel

I don't mind if you come home late
I don't ever ask you
where you've been
I just assume if there's a problem
you'll tell me

But listen and think when I say it
Oh but listen and think when I say it
Who makes you feel the way that I make you feel
Who loves you and knows you the way I do
Who touches you and holds you quite like I do
Who makes you feel like I make you feel
Who makes you feel like I make you feel
Who makes you feel like I make you feel

Being weak when I am strong
Being seen, who you are
Being sad and love's not alone

But listen and think when I say it
Oh but listen and think when I say it
Who makes you feel the way that I make you feel
Who loves you and knows you the way I do
Who touches you and holds you quite like I do
Who makes you feel like I make you feel
Who makes you feel the way that I make you feel

Who loves you and knows you the way I do
Who touches you and holds you quite like I do
Who makes you feel like I make you feel
Who makes you feel like I make you feel
Who makes you feel like I make you feel
Who makes you feel like I make you feel

Who makes you feel……..

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Ok lets reflect on this song. To me its a cool song. Yeah, its a love song or a frustration song or a sad lover's song or a song about someone trying to make another understand/remind/reassure about the feelings that they have. Its saying everything and nothing at the same time. Cool....

My translation to the lyric is, she's trying to reassure her lover that she still loves him and eventhough they don't do things together, she will still be there for him. She's telling him that she will not ask him or push him to talk. She wants him, on his own free will to open himself up to her, if there are things that need to be talked about (cool, I believe in that too.. actually it takes time for me to open up).

Ok to me the things that make a relationship are these: trust, respect, understanding, getting to know, accepting the person for who they are, a dash of sacrifice, a little bit of compromising, care, honesty, comfortable with each other, lots of forgiveness, patience, giving space, letting each other grow, supportive, live in the present, look forward to the future and let the past stays as the past (a memory, an experience). Sharing a life together. Going through and facing all the happiness, hardship, obstacles, sadness, arguments, the phase, the craziness, disagreements and disappointments together. Holding hands, standing by each other side and facing life together (the ride of life!). Able to see the other growing old with you. Lets be sensible and realistic, nothing is easy or uncomplicated or simple when it comes to any relationships. Its how you handle it and willing to make it work, together. In the end its sharing. Sharing a life..