Wednesday 2 January 2008

Thoughts of Trust

Yes. Its been awhile since I've wrote anything here. My whole being have been tempting me to do so, but I resist.... actually, the thoughts usually comes when I'm on the bus or laying down on my bed with no PC available. Did wrote some .... where...

Excuses. We are full of excuses are we not? When things are not happening or done, we always have an excuse in hand.

Ah... Anyway. Heres what my thoughts want me to let it out.
~ ~ ~

Ask this question to yourself and answer it truthfully:

who on this earth, still alive or dead can you truly depend on when things go down the drain?That person or persons will be there for you through it all! and will not make you think you are lesser or incompetent or weak or pitiful or so minusculously tiny.... Anyone came in mind?

I know some will say 'yes, I have plenty of family members and friends, ..... blah blah yada yada....' I said 'will not make you think' not 'what they think of you'.... It's all you. It's how you feel. Yes, they will help you through it but that little paranoid feelings that will bug you. There are some who will help you but will not tell you what they truly think of you. If they did, I bet you will feel all that was mentioned above. But... (theres always a 'but') these are the persons who will see what you don't and from there you will valuate what will be good for yourself.

Truth: the people who you will go for help will be categorised in different things. You know who will be the one for emotional support. Who are the ones to give that financial support. So on and so forth.

As I've said 'It's all you.'... You can depend on yourself. Your survival instinct. It's not a bad thing. Not that after the help you've received you will just forget about it. You will remember and be there for that person(s) when its your who can help... Don't feel bad when you have no time to contact those person(s). Just remember when they call and ask for help, be there, help within your means. Help out of sincerity not out of obligations or returning a favour. Understand? I hope so thats how it is.

I wrote a poem of the sadness that I felt. Please bear with me. I am not good at this poem stuff. Just started to write again. Wrote it while thinking of a very dear friend of mine, who had held out a hand to me when I needed help.

I am slowly dying.....
Tell me, should I let it be
Or should I fight by holding tight?
Never felt my head so heavy
And my heart so very empty.
The feeling of my life spiralling down
My being going numb.
Closing my eyes to rest
Blind myself from days passing by.
Realised... I am slowly dying...
And will slowly.... slowly fade away.

~
Just a start.

I am not a good one to keep in touch with family and friends. I do call them or text or send an email, once in awhile... like once or twice a year....

Stop here for now. Its 1am and I need to settle a bit of work... Hopefully I will keep on writing at least once a month in this blog.

So many things to say, but have no idea how to start or how to put it.

A new quote I've thought of:
I know nothing.... but everything is in me. So I am me.