Start Anew .... ? How do you do that???

So many times I wish I can start anew. I guess alot of people wished they can do that too. Some tried by moving to a different continent, countries, cities or homes. Some just reinvent themselves, not too drastic but small ones. Example like, making new bunch of friends, change jobs, a totally new untried hairstyle, a total makeover, etc.. Me, I have done the small ones lots of times. Still, I am very comfortable and love the way I look. But once in awhile, I would change my hairstyle. From long wavy waist length hair to really short bob. Or dye it in different colours that are not too weird (like one of my girlfriends, she likes to colour her hair green, blue, pink, red or orange.. oh, only in strands).

Now, I am thinking of doing another 'start anew' way of starting anew. You see, I write in my diary. Have about 8 of them. Everything I consider good enough to write in it or just to let out and do not have anyone to talk to, I start writing... In a way, writing down my thoughts or emotions, and then closing the book, is like closing that chapter of my life and hoping that I might feel better and able to move on.... I did felt better.... for awhile... but not for long. Memories do intend to come back to haunt you. They are in dormant mode, just lingering at the back of your mind. And then without warning those memories (good or bad) will pop up and remind you of the things that you wish to forget. Yeah, some good memories can be bad.. Especially if it leads to yearning, sadness and unanswered questions.

Ok. Back to the new 'start anew' thingy that I am going to do. My new theory will be burning all my diaries with all the memories of happiness, sadness, stupidity, daring, embarassing, frustrating, anger, disappointments, hopes, promises, etc.. Thought about it countless of times and made a decision to do it. Was asking myself why would I need to pen all those memories since I can still remember them very clearly in my mind? And, I do not need to be reminded of some of the past, as I have learnt my lessons. The only thing I have to do is to apply all what I have learnt or experienced to my NOW life (easier said than done..). The reason I have not burn those diaries yet, is because I need to find a place. Thought of the bathroom... not a good idea. Thought of an open space... where?... Have to think of safety first (:p .. prrfft!). No worries, will find a way to do it.

Another thing... I am meeting with a house agent today to see the possibilities of purchasing my own home as soon as possible! At last! YEAY!!!! I am tired of renting and moving around... Now I can stay put in one place! It will be a home where my family and friends would be comfortable to chillout or stay over. My home will be a calming place for everyone in my life to escape from daily stress, not only for myself. That is the kind of home I want. And.... my two children will be with me!!!! YEAY!!! My son is 13 and my daughter is 9. I am so proud of them! I am not being bias here, but my children are smart, intelligent and well behave (due to my ability to understand them and treat them with respect. Memories of me growing up helps.. and thank goodness they are not like me when I was young. I am a mighty handful to handle. That was what my mother said and I know). I love them unconditionally but I am not the typical mom who would let her children get away with rudeness, disrespect and misbehaving. Always with encouraging words and telling them how proud I am and that I love them very much. I am a simple woman with simple wants and needs, so I will nurture them to be similar. Be grateful and content with what they have, and work hard if they want more. Teach them to love themselves and never let others put them down or tell them to do things against their principles (unless it is something good then it is ok).

That is all for now. Do not know when I will have the urge to write in here again. Have been very busy with work and getting things done. Soon, choosing a home and attending court (for my children, a long story. All due to me for having too much compassion and pity, no matter what others done to me... *sigh*.. some things can never change).